Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
