remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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