her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
