i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
