i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
