saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
