When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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