2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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