Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
