Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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