Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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