I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
