Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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