I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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