The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I party with great urgency now.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
