Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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