U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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