Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
