Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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