Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
