you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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