To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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