it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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