I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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