New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
