Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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