i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
