u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
