woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Someone came in the potted fern
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oh god it's open bar.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
