She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't deserve a penis
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
