Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
