Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
