How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
