i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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