you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
