I'm drive I can fine osifer
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
