the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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