"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
