Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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