The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
