I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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