I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
