I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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