I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
