Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
