he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
