can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you will always have a special place in my vag
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
