either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
is it fun? or sober?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
