They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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