how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
